#31 how to help a new mom out Mother's day special

Oh my goodness,  we went over our friends house the other day for a much needed dinner hang out that involved my Nannie's lasagna recipe.  They just had their second baby a little over a month ago, so needless to say, everyone in the home is exhausted.

I immediately went to grab the adorable baby out of momma's arms to give mom a break. Not quite 10 minutes into holding her, all feelings came back to me of when I had my baby girl at that age.  (not great feelings...I would almost describe it as a panic attack....like something inside of me is screaming YOU WANT ANOTHER ONE OF THESE!? YOU WANT TO GO THROUGH THIS AGAIN!? GET OUT WHILE YOU CAN!!! GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT!!!!...but i digress)  My poor friend! I empathize with her BIG time! So I have decided since Mother's Day is just around the corner (May 13th people!!), to give you all some tips for helping your new momma friends out there. They may not say they want it, but TRUST me....they do.

• DO NOT CALL!!!    For the LOVE OF GOD the baby JUST went down for a NAP!!!! And when is nap time? ALL THE TIME. Do not call their house, do not call their cell.  If you need to contact them, txt them and wait for a response. If they don't have txt. Email or Facebook....and if they don't have email (what planet are they on?) or don't check stuff that often...find out what would be OK times to call in general and wait to call during those times.

• When you see momma, ask if you can hold her baby.  MOST moms will jump at the chance to have someone else hold their kiddo. It has nothing to do with them not loving their baby, but EVERYTHING to do with being around the same person (In their ARMS no less) for hrs on end! They need a BREAK! If anything, their ARMS need a break! (caveat... please make sure you actually KNOW the mom before you try to take her baby from her! )

• Make them a meal.... BUT .... DO NOT include anything that is super spicy, has onions, garlic, etc.  Depending how old the baby is and if momma is breastfeeding, anything the mom eats, the baby is getting in the form of milk.  Most baby's guts are not totally developed and makes them SUPER sensitive to anything strong in food form....aka making it a living HELL for momma because baby has an upset stomach or worse... GAS!

• When mom is up for it, try to plan some lunch, play or COFFEE dates.  You'd be amazed at how little she will get out of her house those first 2 months.

• Ask her if you can watch the baby/kids for an hr or more.  I guarantee the only thing that poor woman  wants right now is a hot shower, brushed teeth and a NAP!  It's amazing what you can do when you get a little more sleep in you!

• Last....be open to be available to her. In whatever way that means. Everyone is different, and every baby is different, therefore sometimes the needs are different. Sometimes all a new mom needs is someone that will hear them and know they have a support team.

And there you have it! Go out and be blessings to those new moms out there!

#29 Post-Partum Depression

So it has been just about 18 months since I had my baby girl.  During the first year I suffered from post-partum depression.  To help me cope, I wrote.  This is something I wrote while depressed. This is not like my usual funny posts. It's a serious one.  I feel that it should be read by others so other new mom's will know the real story of depression after baby.  Just a warning....for those of you that may actually personally know me, please don't be offended by anything I wrote. I was not in a good place...and THANK GOD I'm better now!

not even coffee made me happy :(

What they don't tell you..new mom's dirty little secret

Why did people not tell me how crappy the first few months are after having a baby? Did they think that it would scare me off to having kids? (they would be correct) Did they just not have as bad a time than I did? Or did they just forget? I vow to NEVER forget.

Yes I am going to have more children, so don't go thinking i will be done with this one...although if I could guarantee my daughter not growing up to be a brat or lonely i would totally stop at one. But I'm beginning to think that this is a dirty little secret that new moms don't want to let others know because in some way they are bad people for feeling it.

Well screw it. I'm going to say it. When my baby was born Nov 3rd, 2010 at 8:44pm, the first thought I had other than 'Holy crap my undercarriage has been set on fire and there will be nothing left!' Was 'THANK GOD ITS OVER!' Apparently I said something else out loud that was more on the lines of cutesy 'i can't believe she's mine' sigh. Roll the eyes.

When I was in the hospital it was fine other than dealing with my parents who were pissed that they missed the birth of their grand baby because I didn't call them fast enough to drive 13hrs and be there when she popped out...It was when I got home that it set in. The first 2 weeks were hard but we had people coming over and feeding us and visiting. But then they stopped coming. We were left with just me, hubby, who went back to work and this stranger that would not stop crying, pooping, eating, sleeping....every 2 hrs.

Since the hubby went back to work, it was just me and my daughter. An isolation set in. Like this dark cave that you can't see the light of day and have no concept of time anymore. Was it morning? Evening? When did I eat last? Have I showered this week? Is my baby sleeping or did she get SIDS?! oh she moved....ok she's sleeping....

Slowly I began to loose myself. My hobbies, my style, my dreams....gone. Nothing but a shell of a person who has now become a human cow quite literally.

People would call now and then or we would see my husbands' family or a few of my close friends and they would ask me how it's going....I was never fully truthful with them. I would always say it's fine or 'Its Going!' One time i opened up to some of my close girlfriends and they acted like I was crazy for not adoring my beautiful baby girl. So I stopped opening up to them.

I would just cry some days....just cry. I was so tired. A numbness came over me....I felt indifferent to everything. nothing really mattered. My job was to be this girl's mother and this man's wife. Period. I talked with my husband about it sometimes but not in detail. I would say, dont' worry I'll be fine. It's just a stage, a season.... and it was for the most part.

As my girl got older, some things got better. As she started smiling at me then giggling I would get happy again. She started to respond to me and slowly stole my heart. About 3 months later I started to really feel love for my baby. That thing some new mom's say was instant they set eyes on their kiddo....yeah, it wasn't the case with me. The kicker is that I seriously lucked out with my baby. She's happy, smiling, laughs all the time, wants to play by herself and is so beautiful I can't believe it. She goes to bed at 7:30pm and wakes up at 6:30 with no interruptions...and yet... it's still there. That numbness. It seeps in sometimes. There will be days that she will fuss or play or whatever and I just want to scream and go take a nap....or I'll just hold her and stare at a wall feeling nothing.

They call it the baby blues...what a nice name for such a horrible feeling. My baby is turning 9 months tomorrow and it feels like I've come a long way since the beginning....but i still feel like I have so far to go. I will beat this, whatever it is. And my daughter will only know that her mother loves her more than life itself. Even though she feel dead inside.